Today my youngest child, my daughter I had eighteen plus years ago came home with her graduation gear. White robe, and mortarboard and all at once it occurred to me that my baby wasn't such a baby anymore but a young woman who was about to embark on the next chapter of her life.
Lately I have found my thoughts going back through the memorable moments of the past 23 and a half years. Good and bad. My oldest daughter is 23 and starting her own new chapter. The fact that she is so happy, makes me happy, and I wish her always the happiness she feels today. I try to restrain from offering unsolicited advice, not always so sucessful doing that but I am trying.
My youngest however is a bird of a different color. Two children who could not be more different. She has gone from stage to stage, sometimes abruptly, sometimes without notice finding her own way. She is straightforward and brutally honest. No grays in these thought processes.
I am as proud of her as I am her older sister.
It's often hard for a parent not to compare their children, but doing so often raises rivalry that is not necessary.
I was an older mom when I had my youngest daughter, and she has had to grow up with the knowledge that some people probably thought I was her grandmother instead of her mom. She dealt with it as well as the few bad habits I have retained for years. She is not happy about them, and is vocal at times, but the spotlight isn't on them constantly, and I thank her for that.
She is smart and talented, and a fierce friend, but a stinging enemy. She is one tough young woman.
I want to tell her as she prepares for college what she might expect, but she would remind me that I did not go to college, and not really basing any of my advice on first hand knowledge.
There are times when I feel that maybe I could have been a better parent, maybe we all have those thoughts. I believe in children finding their own way, making mistakes, and fixing them, and learning to prepare for adulthood. Self sufficient, making their own way, having their own lives, were all part of the parenting plan.
I was honest with them, though wishing at times we could have offered them better.
When we couldn't afford something I said so, no beating around the bush pretending we had more than we had.
No disneyworlds or true vacations.
But my daughter knows the value of a dollar, and knows that college loans are hers to repay unless we win the lottery. This of course doesn't stop her for asking for the occaional overpriced item, but at the same time is no stranger to a sale rack.
So in one week I will dab my eyes, and wonder how the time flew by. Then the prep for college begins..and I will reserve my other tears for August.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
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