What happened to manners?

Today I attended my youngest daughter's graduation from high school. It was a morning commencement ceremony as the original date was postponed due to the threat of rain. Turns out I liked it as much as the the evening commencement my oldest daughter had in 2005.
Unfortunately the same thing happened this year as six years ago. I am referring to the families and friends of the graduates in the stands.
When did it become okay for audiences to talk through speeches, or the announcement of names in the graduating class?
When did it become okay to stand up and stretch blocking the view of those behind you?
When did it become okay to cheer and yell so loud and long, complete with airhorns, so that the other families cannot hear their graduates names being called?
I noticed this issue years ago at a talent show at a grade school. This continued through almost all school activities I attended.
Parents, who should know better, for whatever reason feel the need to talk to their neighbors during the entire show or meeting.
Is it any wonder teachers or instructors have a problem with kids sitting quietly in their seats, and listening to the lesson. They are not learning this important skill at home.
There is a time and a place for everything.
Talking through a movie, or a play, or a commencement ceremony is not acceptable behaviour.
Like the shoppers with an earpiece in their ear, talking to whoever is on the other end, totally clueless that the other shoppers around them don't really need to hear about the woes of the speakers private life that they feel obligated to share.
What concerns me the most is the fact that these offenders seem to be clueless...they will never change.
We seem to be living in a society that accepts this, and I am deeply saddened by the fact that there is a whole big group of folks out there who never learned that sometimes you just need to sit and listen. I learned this as a child, as my children did.
How did they miss this important part of growing up?

My front page news

Today my youngest child, my daughter I had eighteen plus years ago came home with her graduation gear. White robe, and mortarboard and all at once it occurred to me that my baby wasn't such a baby anymore but a young woman who was about to embark on the next chapter of her life.

Lately I have found my thoughts going back through the memorable moments of the past 23 and a half years. Good and bad. My oldest daughter is 23 and starting her own new chapter. The fact that she is so happy, makes me happy, and I wish her always the happiness she feels today. I try to restrain from offering unsolicited advice, not always so sucessful doing that but I am trying.

My youngest however is a bird of a different color. Two children who could not be more different. She has gone from stage to stage, sometimes abruptly, sometimes without notice finding her own way. She is straightforward and brutally honest. No grays in these thought processes.
I am as proud of her as I am her older sister.
It's often hard for a parent not to compare their children, but doing so often raises rivalry that is not necessary.

I was an older mom when I had my youngest daughter, and she has had to grow up with the knowledge that some people probably thought I was her grandmother instead of her mom. She dealt with it as well as the few bad habits I have retained for years. She is not happy about them, and is vocal at times, but the spotlight isn't on them constantly, and I thank her for that.
She is smart and talented, and a fierce friend, but a stinging enemy. She is one tough young woman.

I want to tell her as she prepares for college what she might expect, but she would remind me that I did not go to college, and not really basing any of my advice on first hand knowledge.
There are times when I feel that maybe I could have been a better parent, maybe we all have those thoughts. I believe in children finding their own way, making mistakes, and fixing them, and learning to prepare for adulthood. Self sufficient, making their own way, having their own lives, were all part of the parenting plan.
I was honest with them, though wishing at times we could have offered them better.
When we couldn't afford something I said so, no beating around the bush pretending we had more than we had.
No disneyworlds or true vacations.
But my daughter knows the value of a dollar, and knows that college loans are hers to repay unless we win the lottery. This of course doesn't stop her for asking for the occaional overpriced item, but at the same time is no stranger to a sale rack.
So in one week I will dab my eyes, and wonder how the time flew by. Then the prep for college begins..and I will reserve my other tears for August.

Teachers, teachers everywhere and not a class to teach

Here in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, school districts are preparing for cuts in state funding at all levels, including the university system.
What this means is that school districts are looking to save money so that the state of education can continue as is.
But the cuts are being taken on the backs of our teachers and our children.
Hundreds of teachers in our immediate area are being furloughed, staff as well, and now in one all assistant varsity coaches have been handed a pink slip.
Classes are being eliminated, as well.
Electives in one school district took a dire hit, teachers in others have agreed to a pay freeze, and as administration the highest paid employees on the totem pole have agreed not to take their raises.
All this due to the deficit our state is facing along with some other states.
Here we have an unusual situation. Pennsylvania happens to the be the land of the greatest gas rush since the California Gold Rush. Drillers of this commodity are coming in droves, and yet are not taxed one cent.

They are destroying our forests, and tainting our water supplies and yet not one cent is being paid in taxes or fees for the trouble.
So who gets the ax to help balance the budget.
Teachers, school districts, and upper education.
Welfare, health benefits for the those who need them the most are being slashed or eliminated.

What is answer, what does our present governor owe this group who financed his campaign.? Why aren't there more answers being given?
So many questions and so few answers.

Celebrity Politicians

Today I perused a recap of the past few weeks news that has hogged the headlines.
A particular one caught my attention as it was about yet another philandering public official who was once an actor, and then a governor,and was found to have at least one child with a house staff member, meaning he was screwing the maid or the nanny, and gee whiz got caught.

Since I filed this under the category as not my business and it has little to do with anything of any great importance, I do not know the details. Guess what? I do not care to know the details. I wonder when the American public decided that they have the right to know every personal detail of anyone elses lives?

Unless it has to do with National Security, or raising taxes, or somehow actually affects me personally, I am a believer in the theory that there are some things that should remain behind closed doors. Personal lives and issues are just that...personal.

I believe in the TMI or too much information. Sure I feel bad for the insanely well off and famous wife of this cheater, but hey, it's her business. I do not need to know how it happen in minute detail, or why she didn't realize that it was happening under her roof, or that the child conceived bore a striking resemblance to her soon to be ex husband. Not my business.

Yet private lives of the famous and not so famous are thrown at us on the internet, on front pages of less than reputable newspapers, and those all so reliable so called magazines that assualt us at the grocery checkout.
Not my business and I don't care.

I do care that if these so called adults have trouble managing their private lives, why were they elected in the first place. Even the most upright, and ethical politicians seem to be in the position of being caught with their pants down. Is there something in the water, or did they just hide this personal flaw until their public lives became everyones business.

If they can't help themselves perhaps they could practice a little discretion. And I could then concentrate on more important things like the picture blog of a dog going from a puppy to a year old dog. Well maybe not.

Finding a new Home Town

When does a person decide it is time to relocate? Are we weary of the city we currently reside in? Are we looking for employment or better employment?

I read that women have an easier time hunting for a new career or at the very least a new job than men do. I found this to be an interesting comment and wondered about the validity of it until I spent some time thinking about this concept.

First, the article must have meant single or women without children, as most women I know go out of their way to keep their kids in the same school district unless it is absolutely necessary to move. So they keep less than lucrative jobs, and relegate themselves to "living with" their current employment status in their efforts to keep the family unit status quo.

So I am picking one group of women today, to focus on...that is women with grown children, no husband, and in a less than stellar job situation.

Perhaps the author of the aforementioned aticle knew as we do that we wear different hats throughout our lives.
We are party planners, bookkeepers, childcare providers, cleaners, cooks and run a taxi service. We serve on PTA boards, sell unknown quantities of cookies, gift wrap, raise funds, and do charity work.
So it shouldn't be a surprise that we are able to move into a new job or career, or even into a new city for that job easier than most men do.

Women make friends easier and have more friends than men. We are queens at networking and sensing when someone needs a helping hand.
That is just how it is. We are wired differently.
As the future unfolds, we will see more women as heads of countries, owners of businesses, and in the political arena. Women are getting tired of "dumbing" down to make men look better.

We have a lot of catching up to do, so changing careers or locations is just another step in that direction.

Bullying and Implications-This IS front page news.

The news has been inundated with the tragic results of teenage bullying. It is a widespread problem and finger pointing accompanies each and every article. What these articles don't seem to address is how do children and adults become bullies, and what needs to be done to curtail this old/new issue that has become front page news in many cities.

Obviously bullies have been around since, well, since forever. I don't recall bullying to be so prevelant when I was a child or teen, but then there wasn't the instant news updates through the wire services, or the internet when I was a child.
There were bullies, we have all seen them in action or been the target, but it never seemed to be such a virulent situation.

The finger pointing in my youth went to the home these young thugs lived in, and were dealt with by a parental visit, or by the victims themselves. Parents were held responsbile for their childrens actions, but every once in a while it was found that the parent was a bully as well, passing on the "wrong" model to their offspring.

As young girls we were given instruction to protect our younger siblings, and basically given permission to deal with any bullying issue in the best way possible.
Bullies pick their victims to a variety of reasons, and weakness is a key factor in who becomes a victim.

Just like a young child who throws a tantrum as long as there is an audience, so does a bully (now entire groups as well) need an audience or reaction to be successful.

So who is indeed responsible for halting the actions of these young miscreants? I use that word without remorse, for to me bullying is something that can be controlled and should be either by parental units or the law, or by peers. Can the victims themselves stop this harrassment. Old movies show resolution to bullying by a good punch in the nose, or by the underdogs winning a sporting event. Is bullying glamourized in some of these movies?

Where do these kids ever come up with the idea that bullying is okay? Are they so in need of attention themselves that somehow they think that this is an acceptable way to get this attention? Are parents so self involved that they turn a blind eye to what their children are capable of; part of the "not my child" syndrome. When did it become okay not to be responsible for ones actions or activities?

Researchers, affiliated with major universities are attempting to find these answers right now.

I believe we all need to look hard at this lack of civility in our youthful population today. Maybe it begins by looking in the mirror.

The world we live in.

This isn't exactly a headline, as much as a comment a friend made today. She pulled out of her parking spot only to note a flat tire. So leaving the car and flashers on she called AAA and waited.
She pondered the world we live in when a neighbor slunk out of her house, grabbed her mail, and made her way back to her door, never once looking up or making any eye contact. No conversation, not a word volunteering a phone or other aid.
My young friend could only become more depressed, therefore commenting on the state of the world we live in.

This subject has been touched on many times recently. It is the "not my business" syndrome, or the "I didn't see anything, therefore do not wish to be involved" mantra. A sub text of this would be a "not my kid" statement. (I'll save the last for another time).
A recent headline screamed " Is Civility Dead?".

Well young friend, it is a heck of a world we all live in now. There are many folks who feel that if there isn't anything in it for them, then they can't be bothered to lend a hand or an ear. We are a self absorbed society, and during a recession it seems to get worse. When we could use a hand or an ear the most, it is absent.
We tuck in, not letting anyone in, lest they wish for something we have.

Guess what? This is not the first recession this country or world has been in. It may take a while but it will eventually turn around. It is just the nature of things.
We were growing fat on plastic and big fancy houses mortgaged to the hilt. Some of us weren't paying attention.
Eventually the plastic had to grow thin, and the bills come due.

When I was a young woman, in my early twenties, another recession plagued this country.
I was young and in love, with good friends and a whole family, and friends families, and we somehow all came through it.
Looking back I realize that I just assumed that since we all were young and struggling, and just starting out in adulthood, it was okay. We learned how to scrimp and save, and make our meager ends meet.
We really didn't have any thing to lose.

I believe that this stinky old world will change again and for the better. It will not be tomorrow or next week, or even next year, but it will change. The calamity of our times, will help to make us all wiser, and less wasteful, and maybe kinder to our fellow man, or woman.
This change will begin with each and every one of us. A helping hand without a request. A ride offered, a meal shared, a donation to those needier made. A smile, a thank you, a genuine conversation, and this world will change.
I am not naive. There will always be armed conflicts and problems that continue on with no end in sight. But in our own little neighborhood, in our ever expanding circle of friends, things will get better. Step at a time, our lives will improve.

We read of strangers rushing in to help, of extreme gestures to aid those in need and homeless, and of the cabbie who returns a large sum of cash found left behind. Little steps my young friend. Who cannot smile back at a smile. Who can pass by a collection can for a worthy cause.
So be the person who smiles first, who holds the door open for a stranger, or who reaches high on the shelf at the store for an elderly shopper.
Doesn't cost anything, and we can't afford not to be that person, can we?